So I've been trying to think of ideas for a blog for at least two years. Well, it's not so much trying to think of ideas, I've got a list of quite a few; it's more that I've been stalled by the idea that anything that goes on in my mind might not actually be interesting to the average person, or indeed that it might give people more of an idea of who I am as a person than I'm entirely comfortable with. Also, I'm blessed/cursed by being friends with a number of wildly creative and vastly intelligent people, who seem to find no problem in expressing themselves, which intimidates me. But while that's still all in my head, it matters less.
Perhaps the most important factor in this is that I couldn't work out whether to go straight in with a meaty first post that would solve all of the world's problems, or just a test post that I wouldn't go out of my way to share with anyone. But if I did that, I'd never share it with anyone. So I'll just jump in with something in between.
As for a subject - it looks like it's becoming a metablog - a blog about blogging. While I don't see that continuing past this entry, writing this is putting me in mind of something else that's been bothering me for the past, well, seven years? Basically since I've left university.
At university, I had an inbuilt outlet for my thoughts. I was focusing my creative energies on the subject I was studying - English Literature - and that was enough. While some people (myself included) may question the ultimate practical use of a degree in such a subject, it served its purpose for me.
But since then, throughout everything that's happened in my life, good and bad, I've felt paralysed by an inability to find something to write about that felt right. Not too personal, but not too mediocre either. And deep within me, there's always been the feeling I need to create, at the same time as feeling that I have no talent for anything creative. While that is the case for music, painting, and just about any other art form, if I'm honest I do feel that I can string sentences together in a decent way.
Something else has been bothering me in the last few years (a lot of things bother me, as you will know by now - I'm controlled by my own neuroses, as many of us are). The idea that I'm out of practice - that I can't write anything any more, as I haven't bothered in years. As I've been writing this, I'm wondering whether my style is too formal, too serious, boring, and so on. I'm also paranoid that the last decade or so of alcohol abuse has shaved off a few IQ points, that I'm past my prime. That may well prove to be the case.
I need to relax. Just let words flow.
But at the same time, future blog posts will be more structured than this. In the past, I've felt my views have been too changeable, I just seemed to instantly adopt a view on something when asked, and argued the toss about it until I'm blue in the face. Now I'm in the closing months of my 20s, I am finally becoming more aware of who I am as a person, and in this way starting to get over my long-held, irrational belief that, somehow, I'm not really a proper person. Views are becoming more fixed - is this a good thing? Am I becoming more closed-minded as the years go on? Or am I just becoming more cohesive as an individual? I don't know, I guess that'll be another thing that becomes apparent in time.
I've got to stop this somewhere, it's becoming more and more self-indulgent. Although I suppose a blog can't really be anything else. Already starting to think about a proper subject that I can write about next - my turn-ons at the moment are mainly revolving around mysticism, cultural infantilisation and... fluffy kittens.
See you soon!
And I'd like to thank my wife Sarah for finally giving me the motivation to do this, albeit indirectly!
Perhaps the most important factor in this is that I couldn't work out whether to go straight in with a meaty first post that would solve all of the world's problems, or just a test post that I wouldn't go out of my way to share with anyone. But if I did that, I'd never share it with anyone. So I'll just jump in with something in between.
As for a subject - it looks like it's becoming a metablog - a blog about blogging. While I don't see that continuing past this entry, writing this is putting me in mind of something else that's been bothering me for the past, well, seven years? Basically since I've left university.
At university, I had an inbuilt outlet for my thoughts. I was focusing my creative energies on the subject I was studying - English Literature - and that was enough. While some people (myself included) may question the ultimate practical use of a degree in such a subject, it served its purpose for me.
But since then, throughout everything that's happened in my life, good and bad, I've felt paralysed by an inability to find something to write about that felt right. Not too personal, but not too mediocre either. And deep within me, there's always been the feeling I need to create, at the same time as feeling that I have no talent for anything creative. While that is the case for music, painting, and just about any other art form, if I'm honest I do feel that I can string sentences together in a decent way.
Something else has been bothering me in the last few years (a lot of things bother me, as you will know by now - I'm controlled by my own neuroses, as many of us are). The idea that I'm out of practice - that I can't write anything any more, as I haven't bothered in years. As I've been writing this, I'm wondering whether my style is too formal, too serious, boring, and so on. I'm also paranoid that the last decade or so of alcohol abuse has shaved off a few IQ points, that I'm past my prime. That may well prove to be the case.
I need to relax. Just let words flow.
But at the same time, future blog posts will be more structured than this. In the past, I've felt my views have been too changeable, I just seemed to instantly adopt a view on something when asked, and argued the toss about it until I'm blue in the face. Now I'm in the closing months of my 20s, I am finally becoming more aware of who I am as a person, and in this way starting to get over my long-held, irrational belief that, somehow, I'm not really a proper person. Views are becoming more fixed - is this a good thing? Am I becoming more closed-minded as the years go on? Or am I just becoming more cohesive as an individual? I don't know, I guess that'll be another thing that becomes apparent in time.
I've got to stop this somewhere, it's becoming more and more self-indulgent. Although I suppose a blog can't really be anything else. Already starting to think about a proper subject that I can write about next - my turn-ons at the moment are mainly revolving around mysticism, cultural infantilisation and... fluffy kittens.
See you soon!
And I'd like to thank my wife Sarah for finally giving me the motivation to do this, albeit indirectly!
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